I have spent the whole end of April crying, praying and begging to the Lord Almighty for Him to give me the one thing that would allow me to pursue my “Aussie dream.”  I have been very anxious about how my life is going to be, where I will be residing, how much should my pocket money be, about my duel with the immigration and stuffs. I have overlooked the one thing that’s important for me to be able to worry all the worries that I have contemplated. Can’t figure it out? I haven’t too, ‘til it had knocked me off bitterly out of my wits. I did not have my Aussie Visa on time and without it, how can all my qualms and aspirations materialize? A wake up call that made me hang loose, loose cause it made me desperate and hopeless, so hopeless that I would rather have physical torture than mental torture.

As April was coming to an end, I was starting to question my faith, as to whether HE could hear my prayers, for the ONE vital thing that I was asking. I was trying to decipher if I could be heard well if I will pray while sitting, lying, standing, head-stand, tumbling or by the old-fashioned way… kneeling? I’ve tried it all, except for the 5^th option, I didn’t have that much talent to be able to execute a prayer on that very specific customized manner. Also, I have appealed to all of the saints, angels and souls in purgatory. I was counting days, till I was about to give up. I am running out of time. My class is on the 4^th of May and it was the 29^th of April.

Voila! My long awaited and most cried for precious VISA arrived. I couldn’t believe that it is here, at last. But it’s too late, it’s the 14^th of May and I’m 10days late for school. I was moved on the next intake. Bitter, unexpected, unfair, but I have to accept it. On the brighter side, at least I now have my passes, for me to be able to legally arrive to my desired destination. This tragedy has left me unwaged for 4months, I have nothing but much time for leisure and relaxation, but I am fund less to be splurging on that idea. To make things work, I chose to study ahead of time and turn things around. At least, this time, things will be on my side, or at least they are, I presume.

Lastly, I’ve learned that I have to coordinate everything with HIM. This incident has made me a person with a stronger faith. I have learned that there are certain purposes for things that are taking place in our lives and that we just have to believe in HIM. Now, my tears have been wiped out. More importantly, I have now the courage to say that I will be able to live my dreams, according to HIS will. My April tears are being mended, tears that now have ended.

I have planned plans that I have directed myself to go to. Plans that are according to what I see as essential and should be done. I was solely focused on what I have decided to do. I have made myself an itinerary, a MUST. But all of a sudden these things did not materialize. All of a sudden things went the other way, I was caught off guard. I did not expect this. I overlooked things. I did not have a plan B, C or any back-up plan for that matter. I am questioning things that have occurred. Where did I go wrong? Where can I troubleshoot? Why is this happening? This is not what I have planned? What’s the purpose of this? Have I planned on my own or I should’ve had coordinated with someone with the highest power? Isn’t what I have planned beneficial for my development? Or does He have anything for me? What is this? Is this true? Nah! I’m just having a nightmare? But why am I awake? When will this end? When will I be able to say THANK YOU, at last I’m living my dreams? What can I do? I have given up things for these plans. What’s left of me now is a mere individual who have courageously dropped her old life just to live her dreams. I have gambled but I haven’t even commenced on the chance that I have staked at and I am now struggling. Is this the worth of being a gambler?

Yesterday was another quality time spent with my friends. We’ve had one of the best times of our lives. We went playing badminton, window shopping at a certain mall, dinner and of course, we had our all time “heart-to-heart talk” at a certain coffee shop that we so, so love.

We’ve talked about things that are happening, have happened and will happen in our lives: present, future and some funny and unforgotten pasts. How we so, so love that certain event that had happened during high school? How we caused so much headaches to our high school teachers… all of it, including those crushes that we’ve had.

Looking back, many things have changed, from the way they look up to the way things are. How things could have been if we decided the other way, but we didn’t so we leave it as it is. Hehe. (SIGH!) Yeah, I don’t have to elaborate on it, my friends know it. And you just have to let things be. Live and let live. Be happy. XOXO

Some days ago, I have received an offer that I have endured waiting. It’s a regular position from the institution that I am working at, I’ve been working at this place for more than 3years now and lo and behold this offer came. But then I have to rethink, because I am planning to work abroad and the offer came very late. At first, I was tempted to accept the offer and gamble whatever it is that I have to gamble for me to be able to hit two achievements in one stone. But as I went to sleep, I tossed and turned in bed, thinking and rethinking about this dilemma that I am given. If I will choose to pursue with this opportunity that I will have to give up soon, I will have problems with my clearance and may be I will leave a not so pleasing legacy when I resign. So I decided to drop the offer, even if it pains me, considering the fact that I have endured so much with the long wait and the grueling process (sigh). I just have to accept it; I can not have everything in life. I have to give up some things in order to make other people’s dream come true.

I hope that’s how aggressive we are in terms of dealing with people in our lives. Most often, we suck in the unwanted emotions that are coming our way just for us to please people or to create a good reputation, but deep inside us scream “I HATE THAT PERSON.” That’s how plastic or untrue we are! For most Filipinos, that is.

As humble as we Filipinos are, we don’t want anyone to get hurt, so instead of saying “I don’t want the way you treat me…” we say “oh I see, I agree or yes you’re right.” How unreal and pitiful we get. We succumb into lying and we sulk in to the unpleasant tactful aura that we create.

Why not say, “I don’t like the way you handle things with me!” or “I don’t like how you are treating me!” Take a gamble! Stand up for your selves. Don’t be afraid that people will get mad just because you’ve been true to what you feel. Take that as a credit for your selves. Give your selves a break… a break from lying… a break from deceiving… and a break from just being somebody else’s puppet! Be the puppet master and let them submit to your qualms.

In friendship for instance, when you don’t want your friend to get hurt, instead of telling your friend about how you dislike her boyfriend because you can see how he wrongfully treats him or her, you’ll say, “I like your better-half he/she is cool.” Yeah right! Like cool is an emotion, it’s like saying you are fine. What is fine? Is that an emotion? I can say being happy or sad, those are emotions! Or when your friend is getting stupid, bitchy and bad you’ll take that friends side for the sake of friendship even if you know that she’s been doing wrong. Say it! Say it! “Hey friend, shut your mouth and listen to me. I don’t like how you treat people. Be kind and treat them like human!” or say “girl friend, I think you have to rethink about being serious with your boy because I think he is faking it.” I bet all the bitter things that you have uttered to your friend will do her good.  And you might have a long lasting genuine friendship.

In love, for example, when a guy/girl comes to you and tell you upfront that he/she likes you, you then reciprocate the same response towards the person even if you meant the opposite. Why not hurt that person in a nice way and let him/her feel a temporal pain than let him/her deem into a love that doesn't exists? At least you did him/her a favor. In time he/she will get over you and will move on with his/her lives. Or do the opposite, if you like the person, why let the person suffer by making him/her guess about how you truly feel, say it to him/her, make your lives easy, the way GOD made it for us. Life is too short to be making it a WHOLE LIE!

If we are just true to ourselves, then this world will be a better place to live in. Let us start now! Let’s start by saying how we truly feel: (1)“I don’t like you to be more than my friend, but we can be friends, if you want.” (2) “mi amiga, slow down with the attitude, it might eat you alive” (3)you’re beautiful but I think you’re too good for him etc… etc…

If people won’t like you because of your honesty, well it’s their problem. At least you have taken loads of lies away from your system. And as you travel along life, you will be traveling light, because you have taken all the excess baggage of being untrue.

Several times, while I was slowly strolling through the dwellings of life, I often get SMS or calls from my friends who are in great desperation to meet up with at least one soul that he or she can pour his or her heart out to. And along came a free soul, which was in the form of ME. As I pursue our meetings we’ve had hearty and mushy moments. Talks on how their hearts got broken. How at a certain moment they thought everything was a bed of roses and suddenly became a bush of horrifying achy thorns.

As I empathize with their melancholia, I realized, what’s the use of loving, when at the end of the day you’ll have it all bruised up and eventually you’ll come out heartless? What’s the use of loving, when you’ll end up being cheated to? What’s the use of loving, when all else fail and no love can be generated? But even if these uncertainties are existent, still some people pursue to love. They allow their fragile hearts to be subjected into different forms of pain. In fact, its vastness is not limited into one type. Their sorrows can come into different forms they can be hurt PHYSICALLY, which can be easily shown through the naked eye but what’s good about it is that it heals easily, so long as your life is spared. Another type of inflicting agony is through EMOTIONS, how one lover can submit their supposed loved one into so much emotional-inequity or emotional-instability or whatever one calls it, as for me it’s never the emotion that one expects when loving. And this type of torture is distressing, so distressing that one can become insane and helpless. Lastly, one could fall into an obsession but the type of dire obsession that is misled, not because of loving but because of ghastly ill-intent, an intent that spurs out of revenge.

All in all, maybe I can conclude that they have found the “wrong love,” it’s erroneous because it had never served the purpose of love and it defied all the wonderful definition about love. What I always tell them is that, no love can be perfect, especially when one hasn’t found the person that’s right for him or her. And perfect love doesn’t exist, especially when you won’t allow GOD to delve into your relationship. When will one know if the person that he or she has bumped into is his or her mister or miss right? They say, you’ll know it when it comes, no words will be required. In time you’ll have a dose of the "RIGHT LOVE." In time love will fall into the right place at the right time with the right person.

What you have right now, you will loose later. Even your life, you will loose soon. I am not talking about bitter endings. Not even talking about how life will be taken away to a conclusion. All I want to confer is that despite this temporal life that we’re given, we’re still lucky to have been given the chance to live and experience all those glitz and not so glamorous moments.

Where could one experience to cry? Is there crying in heaven or hell or limbo maybe? Maybe there is crying in heaven, but those tears maybe brought by joys, mostly not because of self-centered emotions. I bet there is crying in hell, especially to those who are being relentlessly ignited because of their sins. And in limbo, I bet there is too, especially to those who really desire to rest on the dwellings of our loving FATHER. But crying on earth is different. You are given the chance to express it in many ways, through tears, being gloomy, angry etc… You are not spared from the drama of what tears can bring. Also, tears are not only a sole expression of resentment, but of happiness too. In general, emotions expressed here on earth doesn’t only signify one feeling, it encompass all ethereal retort, leaving one unable to express one’s emotions through words.

All I’m saying is that, life is too short to dwell on unhappy thoughts. Let’s live our lives to the fullest. Take away all the burdens that we have in our hearts and in our minds. Let’s love and be loved, forgive and be forgiven. Let us all be happy. Leave to “problem” all the problems it brings. Let us face each day with optimism that despite all crisis, disaster, failure and unpleasant events, there is still LIGHT.

Everything is passing in our lives, but if we make the most out of all these temporary things that is coming in to our lives then we would end our short lives without regrets.

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote on my blog spot, but anyway, I am now.

Have you ever had an odd incident coming in to your life? I did!

One time, while on duty, one guy came with some chocolates tied by a red ribbon with a greeting card on it. At first, I was hesitant because maybe it was not for me because there might be someone else with the same name but, heck t’was for me, according to my presupposed “HERMES” (MESSENGER for THE GODS, GREEK MYTHOLOGY), that is. I asked him about the person who gave those items to me, but his lips are sealed and hasn’t given me any name at all.

I did accept the chocolates but I gave it out to my colleagues who happened to be on duty on that same day. They were so excited to devour the tidy but lo and behold a worm came out of one of those chocolates that were given. We all grew surprised and found the event crazy. To me, it awakened my paranoia. I’ve just recently encountered a fight with a watcher and right there and then, that clash rekindled in my mind and drawn me in to thinking that it might be my karma or someone has sent it as a revenge. Yeah! That’s how paranoid I was. Till a physician saw those unopened chocolates at the refrigerator, she asked me about it and I generously gave it all to her but I warned her about the unpleasant creepy creatures that resides beneath those enticing wrappings. Despite my caution, she still pursued on meticulously checking out the insides of the chocolates and she found out that unlike the previous one that we’ve opened there was none of those eerie little objects in it. So I gave it all out to her. And she ate it all, it just so happen that dark chocolate is her favorite. As of this moment, she’s still up and about and there hasn’t been any mishap or some form of paranormal event that has happened to her. So maybe those worms just came in without notice.

Well what’s certain is that, the sender of those items remains anonymous and the reason how those creatures came in to those chocolates is still unanswered, but thanks anyway. Thank you to that someone who gave those sweets. It could’ve been sweeter, minus those little sinister and the paranoia (of course).

I have heard of this from word of mouth, spreading unstoppably.

My first encounter of this craze is when I had my occasional visit at a certain bookstore to buy some ball pens. The book was placed on the middle of the store positioned in a way that every passerby could notice. And as successful as it was located, it has caught my eyes, but during that time, it was just a mere book with an attractive cover, to me.  But as words spread relentlessly, my curiosity about “TWILIGHT” grew.

Through “GOOGLING” it, I found out that, not only was it a series of love-story book, but also, a movie is shown about it. All in all, I’ve watched the film and fell in love with it. How one fearful but loving vampire can become so adorable, lovable and dreamy?!

How I wish EDWARD CULLEN do really exist?! (sigh) I really admire how he uses his strength to protect his one and ONLY love. If only humans have the same dedication, faithfulness, and love as he has towards BELLA, then maybe loving will be very likeable.